My art self, my brush self, knew that the church doodles were a step towards the mystery of my next show. Do I dare work on this for the next show, due Thursday? Or should I stick with the original thought? I think this is part of painting. It will all come together. 

Thinking deeply about the time to come when I will do more art, whether or not it is totally full time there will be significantly more of it. The longer I do not take that step, the less time I will have to live into that dream. I've been reaching towards this since the age of 10, when I knew I was an artist because I spent all my extra time painting and drawing - just as I do now. Then, I didn't know that it might mean something more.

There is a constant sense of giving in during the last few months. And finally being able to do so. It has always been a struggle - to follow my inner self even when it doesn't jive with how I perceive "everyone else's" direction. Those who sow with tears in the evening, reap with joy in the morning. Clarity cometh as it willeth.