Prepping for "Aperçu" has been difficult. Daily ups and downs, balancing of work. I desperately wanted to go in to work early this morning, but felt too much internal chaos would follow if I abandoned the painting schedule I have set for myself. Painting brings peace and joy for the rest of the day - I find myself calmer in the midst of the turmoils that can happen, interactions and decisions. Seems worth it to miss a meeting that is not mandatory although I also dearly miss the presence of the community. It is stressful, very, yet also seems to be part of the process.