02/01/14 What art?

The website isn't done, but I find myself wanting to write so I'm going ahead.

The series of church doodles that I am working on has me scared to pieces. It isn't "real" art, ie I am deliberately painting in a style and with a palette that says to me "not serious," "amateur," and "childish."  Swirly paint? Tourquoise? Really? What's worse – I just have to do it anyway. I have the feeling it will lead to something else, and to deliberately manipulate the drawings so that they are "acceptable" would disrupt the process of going further. Such anxiety, and yet such pleasure and focus when working on them. Easily 3-4 hours painting daily, even at the end of the day when I'm just beat. I'm grateful for the whole thing, and in spite of the whole thing. Yeah.